CAREGIVER ISOLATION
I Just Want to Be Alone
According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary, synonyms of the word ‘Isolate’ are to cut off, seclude and separate. Essentially to set apart from others. Caregiver Isolation is when the caregiver knowingly or un-knowingly secludes, separates and cuts oneself off from others. (As I see it)
As a Caregiver I find myself isolating myself from others.
There are some days when…
I don’t want to see anyone.
I don’t want to go anywhere.
I don’t want to talk to anyone in person or via phone.
I just want to be alone—isolated.
And those days are no longer few and far between but are beginning to occur more and more.
On those days when I don’t want to see anyone, I actually find myself sneaking around the Senior Complex. I simply can’t bear having an inane conversation with any of the elderly residents.
I also don’t accept offers to go out with any of my Friends or Cousins—even for just a couple of hours.
As far as I’m concerned, I don’t feel my best or look my best and I don’t want to see anyone under those circumstances.
I never want to go anywhere because as far as I’m concerned there is nowhere that I want to go. Anyway, there is nowhere in this town that I want to go. Sometimes I challenge myself and think, “If I could go anywhere and do anything, where would that be?” Nine times out of ten, that destination is 3754 miles away from where I am. Actually, ten times out of ten. I was just trying to be positive.
At any rate, when I do go out, all I do is worry and feel guilty about leaving my Mother alone. It isn’t safe to leave her alone for more than 2-hours. It’s just not worth the worry and guilt to go somewhere that I didn’t really want to go anyway. And so, I typically don’t go.
I hardly ever really want to chat anymore. I don’t have anything interesting to add to most conversations and my mind is full of Caregiving facts, activities and responsibilities. All topics which I would rather not discuss. I can’t bear to listen to anyone’s well-meaning advice, observations or suggestions. I don’t care because they really don’t know. And sadly, I am not truly interested in what is going on in the world around me.
I don’t want to hear about anyone else’s day, vacation or life outside of Caregiving. Because I don’t want to resent my Friends and Family for their lives which do go on. Especially since my life is on pause.
And so…
I limit my conversations with Family and Friends.
I don’t go out to places I’d rather not go.
And I don’t really see people.
I isolate myself.
Or…
Caregiving isolates me.
Keep in mind, as my Mom’s Caregiver, I am never really actually alone.
That is Caregiver Isolation.
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This hits deep. I’ve lived that isolation.
Twenty-three years into caregiving, I can say there were seasons when I didn’t recognize myself anymore. The loneliness isn’t always loud — sometimes it’s just constant.
It took me years to intentionally push back against it and rediscover who I was underneath the role. But what you wrote? That part is real. And it matters that you said it out loud.
I felt this one hard. I’m a caregiver for my wife, and that isolation you’re talking about… it hits in ways most people never see. The sneaking around, the guilt when you leave, the feeling like your whole world is paused while everyone else keeps moving — I know that all too well.
Thank you for putting words to something so many of us live with but rarely say out loud. It made me feel a little less alone today.