GIVING UP TO BE A CAREGIVER
I have given up EVERYTHING
GIVING UP
I have made a number of personal sacrifices in order to be here as my Mother’s Caregiver.
I have given up my Free Time, my Spare Time, and my Me Time.
I have exchanged my Creative process for a haphazard writing schedule which is totally dependent upon what is going on with my Mom.
I never get a good night’s sleep.
There is very rarely any “Joy of Cooking” anymore since one of my Caregiving Chores is preparing “3 Meals a Day.”
And although I have enough underwear and socks so that laundry is a once-a-month activity for me; it is at least a once-a-week activity now.
No more cool wine glasses as I do everything that I can including serving on designer paper plates and using plastic cups in an effort to reduce the number of times that I must wash dishes in a day. Well, I actually use my collectible Starbucks Red Cups.
On lazy days when I’d rather just chill and not make my bed, I do make my Mother’s bed.
My Beach (where I lived within walking distance) is now 3,754 miles away.
I have exchanged the sunshine and warmth of Southern California with the bitter cold of New England.
My Friends and chosen Family are now always a phone call away versus a short drive down Santa Monica Boulevard.
The Glamor and Glitz of Hollywood which I loved experiencing Live & In-person is now only available tape delayed on TV.
I don’t take naps in between movies anymore as I am lucky if I can even watch an entire movie uninterrupted.
I am no longer an avid reader because it’s hard to concentrate or focus on anything other than my Mother and what I must do next.
I haven’t been to Mexico or anywhere else on vacation because there are no vacations for the Caregiver.
My social life is totally non-existent. There are no good times with Friends, Family celebrations, date nights or meeting new People.
I don’t even hang out at Starbucks for as long as I would like to on a daily basis because I have a “Caregiver’s Curfew.”
I play music loudly and dance around the living room only when my Mother goes anywhere. Which is not that often.
And I don’t go to Church anymore because those few hours on Sunday morning when my Mother goes to Mass is coveted time alone.
I don’t browse through any boutiques, shops or outdoor plazas because I only have time to shop online—and then not so much for myself.
I do listen to music but more out of desperation in an effort to soothe my soul, rather than for the pure enjoyment of the sounds.
Not purposely, I have given up laughing and talking on the phone with my Friends.
I wear leggings, tank tops, sweaters and yoga pants because why get dressed.
I haven’t worn a pair of high heels in so long, I don’t think that I would be able to walk in my stilettos let alone dance.
I have lost my sense of humor because WTF—nothing is funny!
I am giving up this list because I am slowly sinking into a state of mind which only leads to My Wits End.
And I’d so much rather be California Dreaming.
As my Mother’s Caregiver, I am a mere shadow of my former self.
I am giving up what was aka MY LIFE!
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I hear you. HUGS.