NOBODY KNOWS BUT A CAREGIVER

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

The Caregiver

May 25, 2025

NOBODY KNOWS

but

ANOTHER CAREGIVER

“Walk a mile in my shoes,

Just walk a mile in my shoes

Yeah, before you abuse criticize, and accuse,

Walk a mile in my shoes.”

My Cousin called me the other day. We’re cool Cousins but we have never spoken as much as we have recently. His Mother is living with him—she has dementia. My Mother and his Mother are (EX)Sisters-in-law and so although, they have a great deal in common, they are not particularly close. I’m sure we (my Cousin and I) wish they were a lot closer and could therefore share the days of their lives without putting the entire burden upon us.

My Cousin and I do share the Cares and Concerns of our Caregiver lives. We text all the time, but we have recently begun speaking on Monday mornings. Monday mornings are the days when our Moms supposedly attend a weekly Senior Meeting around the corner. And by “around the corner,” I mean up one block and over one block—around the corner. As I’ve mentioned previously, this is a very small town. And I said, “supposedly” because it is not as routine as it sounds—one Monday or another those meetings do not occur or one of our mothers decides not to attend.

This past Monday was one of those Mondays. His Mother had decided after being awakened, explained to, offered breakfast, and explained to again that it was the Monday Senior Meeting, she decided not to go. It didn’t matter, the meeting itself had been cancelled due to a storm; therefore, my Mother was also home at a time when she should have been elsewhere.

He called and said, “Hey Cuz. How you doin’?”

“Well, you know…” I replied.

“Yea, I do. You know I understand.”

“Yup.”

“Because nobody understands unless they are in the exact same situation.”

“That is so true,” I said before I had to hang up quickly to respond to my Mother.

The Voice of Caregivers Present.

“Uh, if I only had the wings,

Of a little angel

Don’t you know I’d fly,

To the top of the mountain

And then I’d cry, cry, cry.

Walk a mile in my shoes.””

There are many people who have been Caregivers in the past. They are quick to say things like…

“The years that I took care of my Parent were the best years of my life.”

“I will always be grateful that I was the one who cared for my Mom at the end.”

“You will look back on these years and smile.”

“Once the days of you caring for your Mother are over, you will miss them.”

Listening to these people remembering the past through misty water-colored goggles doesn’t do much to soothe my soul.

I keep thinking, “Easy for you to say, the person you were caring for is gone. If you were still a Caregiver, would you be saying the same thing?”

And if I had to answer my own question, I would say, “NOT!” Hindsight is twenty-twenty vision!

The Voice of Caregivers Past.

“If you could see through my eyes,

Instead of your ego

I believe you’d be I believe you’d be,

Surprised to see.

That you’ve been blind, uh huh.

Walk a mile in my shoes,”

Then there are those who have never been Caregivers. These people should truly keep all thoughts, feelings, observations, and advice to themselves. Because these people do NOT have a clue. No matter how hard they may try, they simply don’t know. Nobody knows but another Caregiver. As seen by the Caregiver’s Neighbor who thought she was being helpful right up until the point when the Caregiver next door committed murder/suicide by burning the house down! THE CAREGIVER’S BAD DAY!

As in most occupations, having “zero experience” entitles you to just listen until such time as you can learn on the job. Because there may come a day when you too will be Caregivers.

These people who are not Caregivers at the moment are just a tad more annoying than the voices of Caregivers of the past.

The Voice of Caregivers Future.

I know that one day in the Future, I will be a Caregiver of the Past. And I hope that I will share the same sentiments of the now Caregivers of the Past. I’ll have to find out where to purchase those misty watercolor Caregiver goggles though; but I sincerely wish that I am able to utter the same words that I find so hard to believe at the moment—here in the Present.

The thing is—the reason that I began writing about the Cares & Concerns of a Caregiver is because of an encounter with a former Caregiver. He made a confession. He was a Caregiver of the Past and I believe he told me the truth. "A CAREGIVER’S CONFESSION"

That is what I am trying to do, “Tell the Others.”

“If I you could be you, if you could be me,

For just one hour

If we could find a way

To get inside each other’s mind, uh huh

Walk a mile in my shoes,”

The reason that I call the Blog & the Podcast, “A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE” is because the plan is to tell the truth–Past, Present and Future.