THE CAREGIVER'S COVETED HOUR
I LONG FOR
An hour to myself.
As a Caregiver an hour to oneself is something to “covet.”
The definition of “covet” according to Miriam Webster is “to wish for earnestly; to desire inordinately (what belongs to another).” In other words, to yearn or long for; to thirst or hunger for—to covet.
I covet the days when I didn’t have to yearn so longingly for time to myself. Since I’ve become my Mom’s Caregiver, those times are few and far between. I do, however, have moments—an hour here and there throughout the week when I force myself to think only of myself. It’s not as easy as one may think.
On Sundays, my Mother goes to church religiously. She leaves around 9:30 and returns between 11:30 and Noon. Traditionally in our Faith, the Mass is exactly 55 minutes in length followed by a Coffee Hour where the Parishioners are encouraged to mingle amongst themselves. Actually, according to the church, the time is for “fellowship.” In most cases that entails enjoying a cup of coffee and whatever snacks the hospitality committee has provided.
I actually enjoy practicing the traditions of my Faith and in my previously life—you know, before becoming a Caregiver—I was fairly active in my Church. Sadly, not anymore. Now, Sunday mornings are times that I covet—times that I have to myself. I sacrifice church attendance and involvement for two uninterrupted hours alone. I believe that God understands.
My Mother belongs to a Community Senior Citizens group and once a week—not every week—they get together. They meet to plan activities and to have lunch. Those meetings provide two hours of “me time.” I covet those two hours as a King’s Brother covets the Crown. Every week, I anxiously hope that this is a week that the Seniors convene.
It is not a time that I can plan on or make plans for—I simply take the hours as they come.
And then there are those rare occasions—once every other month or so when my Mother has planned “play dates” with her Friends. I never really know how long those times will last but I enjoy them, nonetheless. She typically has a couple of cocktails on those outings which brings her home a tad tipsy and ready for a good night’s sleep.
A night which for me does not involve waking up every other hour when she wakes up to increase the volume of her television. She tends to sleep soundly after afternoons/evenings with her Crew, and she doesn’t arise at the crack of dawn. There are no words to explain how much I covet those hours.
During those coveted hours, I do a multitude of things. I take long showers, enjoy delicious cups of tea, and relax, talk on the phone, or work on my writing projects. I drink wine for enjoyment (versus out of necessity) and in general just “do me.” What I don’t do is—take out the trash, wash the dishes, do the laundry, speak to people offering services for the Elderly or think twice about my Mother. It’s not that I don’t think of my Mom–it’s that I don’t think twice. I often use the time to create special recipes with no questions asked. Or I simply sit and enjoy being alone. Sometimes, I just play music and dance.
I do so covet those hours.
The Hebrew word “covet” is translated into English as “lust or strong desire.” Often used in the Bible preceded by the words, “Thou shalt not.”
Thank God, this is A Caregiver’s Conscience and there are no commandments or laws dictating the Cares and Concerns of a Caregiver.
For as a Caregiver, Thou will most definitely covet hours to oneself.
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Note: I use Miriam-Webster’s dictionary as the premiere source to define words and offer no apology to those who prefer Wikipedia.
I hear you. Hugs. xo