THE LOST CAREGIVER

That's How I Feel...Lost

LOST

Miriam Webster’s definition of “Lost” as an adjective has many meanings. For instance, lost means, 1) no longer possessed, 2) desperate, 3) denied, 4) hardened, 5) no longer visible, 6) helpless, 7) obscured or overlooked, 8) futile. As a Caregiver, I often feel lost—all of those meanings of lost.

I was sent a link to this song, “Lost,” by Michael Buble It is my practice to listen to the words of the song first. The lyrics to many songs often began as poems written by the Artist. I listened to the words to this song from the point of view of a Caregiver and of someone watching a Caregiver. Someone watching a Caregiver but failing to actually see what is happening before their very eyes. The Caregiver is lost.

I can’t believe it’s over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I’d only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

I was crying, Caregiver-Me. And not only was I crying, but I was also crying out. As each day passed, I could feel me slipping away. The days were not only slipping past, but my Life was passing by in a river full of tears. I feel obscure and overlooked.

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And God I hope it’s not too late
It’s not too late

For every time there is a Season and for every Season there is a time. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall come and go while my Life remains on pause. This Caregiver Season continues through seasons which have turned into years. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at me; however, I know I should be taking better care of my reflection. I feel invisible—as if no one really sees me.

‘Cause you are not alone
I’m always there with you
And we’ll get lost together
‘Till the light comes pouring through
‘Cause when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can’t bear the thought
I said, babe, you’re not lost

I am Weary. I am tired. I am lost. Every day, I begin the day wondering how I am going to make it through the day. I have Faith and so I won’t let the darkness win. The Caregiver has “More Life to Live!” I won’t stop believing. You say, I’m not alone but I spin around in circles by myself—quite alone. Feeling helpless and futile.

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy
But you’re not
Things have seem to changed
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

Things have changed. My Life has changed. I do my Best each and every day. Crazy doesn’t begin to describe my daily feelings as I adapt to the changes Caregiving has created. I am lost.

‘Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we’ll get lost together
‘Till the light comes pouring through
‘Cause when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you’re not lost

I said, baby, you’re not lost.

I said, baby, you’re not lost.

If I’m not lost…

Please come and find me.

LISTEN TO THE SONG ON YOUTUBE

"LOST" MICHAEL BUBLE