WHEN THE CAREGIVER NEEDS CARE
What happens when the Caregiver needs care?
Who is there to support the Caregiver in time of need? More importantly who will fill the role of Caregiver should the Caregiver be unable to fulfill her duties?
There is no Caregiver’s Assistant who steps up. There is not an Understudy who has been desperately waiting in the wings for the day the Caregiver can’t perform. There is no First Runner-up as in the Miss America contest who will be crowned as Caregiver.
So, what happens when the Caregiver needs care?
It all depends.
When the Caregiver needs care, first of all no care is actually given.
And then it depends upon how long the Caregiver is unable to fulfill the Caregiver duties.
If the Caregiver is down and out for a day a two—with a cold or one of the many versions of the flu, things don’t get too out of hand. The dishes pile up and the trash isn’t emptied as scheduled. But in this case, since this Caregiver enjoys the Chef’s responsibilities, there is usually a plethora of leftovers or pre-cooked meals. My Mother continues to enjoy 3 Meals a Day with many choices of entrees. If it’s a cold that takes the Caregiver out of action, things remain pretty much the same.
But what happens when the Caregiver really needs care and is unable to carry on due to a severe physical injury? An injury such as a fractured knee impacts the Caregiver and has the potential to interfere with the Caregiver duties for weeks.
In any other situation, the Caregiver would be the person who is waited on in an effort to allow healing. Heal while keeping the leg Rested, Iced, Compressed and Elevated (RICE). A healing regiment that is impossible for the Caregiver to complete.
It is not possible for the Caregiver to comply with the Doctor’s requirements for a complete and total healing because there is no one else.
There is no one else to do what I do. And if I don’t do it now, I will have to do it later.
And what happens when the Caregiver receives devastating news such as the unexpected death of a loved one? When the Caregiver is mentally and emotionally incapable of thinking of anything other than the loss.
What happens in all of these situations is that the Caregiver carries on. The Caregiver continues to complete the Caregiver’s duties with a cold, the flu, a fractured patella, and a broken heart.
What happens when the Caregiver needs Care?
There are no sick days. There are no personal days to be taken.
What happens when the Caregiver needs care?
The Caregiver is forced to carry on providing the care needed while adding the additional sacrifice of not Giving Care to oneself.
I don’t have a Caregiver’s Assistant, Understudy or First Runner-up. There is just me.
In other words, the Caregiver continues to be a Caregiver.
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I think this is one of the biggest problems with how caregiving works (or doesn't) for people. Caregivers are set up not to take preventative measures, or if they do, unforeseen events could happen. And, to your point, there is also the emotional toll of not just us losing someone else but the emotional toll of caregiving itself. There are no easy answers, but I don't think that means we shouldn't keep talking about it, raising the alarm, and looking for solutions.