CAREGIVING WITH MY FRIENDS

I get by with a little help from my Friends...

My Friends know that they are my friends. What they don’t know is the many times during the day that their inspiration motivates me to carry on with my Caregiver’s duties.

We were taught to make our beds every day. It’s one of my Mother’s rules. She is physically unable to make her bed these days. And so, in an effort to assist in her keeping her own house rules, I make her bed. Each and every day that I make her bed, I think of my friend Brandon. I know that Brandon would give almost anything to be able to make his Mother’s bed one more time. I make my Mother’s bed in Brandon’s honor.

Although I love to cook, Caregiving has made cooking an unwelcomed chore. I sometimes dread the thought of preparing yet another meal—but I do. I prepare her favorite dishes while thinking of my friend Alex. Alex would love the opportunity to prepare one of his Father’s favorite meals using his Mom’s authentic special recipes. Alex cannot cook for his parents any longer, but I can cook for my Mother. And so, I do.

I have frustrating conversations with my Mother when trying to include her in decisions or asking her opinion. It would be easier just to proceed without asking her advice, but I don’t. I don’t because I know that my friend Pamela yearns for the chance to have just one more conversation to hear the wise words of her Mom. And so, I ask for my Mother’s opinion fully aware that “mother does not always know best.”

My friend Flash is a Stylist to the Stars who misses doing the “little things” for her Mother. I think of her when I help my mother to fasten her bra knowing that my friend smiles when she thinks of me doing the little things that make a difference.

My Mother acts as if she is doing me a personal favor by taking her medication daily. I remember my friend Darrel’s stories of his Mother literally spitting the medication back in his face when she didn’t want to take her pills. Now he laughs when he tells me how much he misses those days.

My friend Michelle is a no-nonsense take charge kind of person who made sure that her Mother received the care that she needed in spite of the peculiarities of the health care system. I spend hours coordinating my Mom’s care because when Michelle thinks of or speaks of those days, I can hear the love and longing for her Mother in her voice.

When my friend Karla called to tell me that her Mother had died, she expressed regret. Supreme regret for all the things that had been left unsaid. I don’t hide most of my feelings from my Mom and because of Karla, I consciously speak the truth because I don’t want to regret the things that others may feel are best left unsaid.

Despite the lack of appreciation, comprehension, or compassion, I try to be the best daughter that I can be and “honor my Mother,” because my friend Jamie would give anything in the world to have another day to make her Mother proud.

When the daily duties of being my Mother’s Caregiver get me down, I think of my Friends, and they inspire me in ways they are not even aware.

In honor of my Friends, my Caregiver’s Conscience allows me to see the moments that they wish they still had.