CASUALTIES OF CAREGIVING

A Casualty is defined as, “a person or thing harmed, lost, or destroyed (by an event or situation).”

Caregiving is a situation which causes many casualties.

The first and most obvious casualty of Caregiving is “Life As You Knew It!” Everything about your life will change upon becoming a Caregiver. Everything! But then there are casualties which you could not begin to imagine.

One such casualty is your Career along with any dreams of rising to the top! Caregiving sets a glass ceiling that most Executives have never thought of. And any aspirations of “hanging in” until retirement and then beginning a new career based on your passion will quickly be put on the back burner.

I had a good friend who quit his job and opted for an early retirement in order to take care of his Mother. Then there is the NBA player who put his career “on hold” during what Sportscasters referred to as his best playing years while Caregiving for his wife. Another woman who volunteered for a lay-off in order to collect unemployment insurance and dedicate her days to Caregiving.

Then there are the people who do not have the “luxury” of not generating an income or of not going to work every day; but whose jobs equally suffer due to unexpected time off due to Caregiving duties when there is no one else to cover.

From the Waitress to the Restaurant Owner, the Apartment Manager to the Corporate Executive, the Starbucks Barista to the Small Business Entrepreneur, there are countless examples of Careers that have become Casualties of Caregiving.

Caregiving will become the main focus of your days, nights, and weekends. There is no time to concentrate on anything not directly related to the person for whom you are caring. That basic circumstance is the direct cause of many casualties.

A new Romance will surely be a casualty. It’s hard to make a good impression on someone when you are constantly bitter, resentful, and consistently in a bad mood. And when all that frustration appears to be directed at a close family member, it would definitely cause a new person in your life to “pause.”

Another Casualty of Caregiving is Relationships-friendships and sometimes amongst family members.

I know a Family who never recovered from a Caregiving situation where one Sibling stepped up to provide care for their Mom with little to no support from the others. This Family remains in a fractured state to this day. The Caregiver continues to resent the Siblings who not only did not provide support but also criticized the care she was providing. And I imagine that the Siblings feel guilty about the lack of assistance and time spent with their Mother before she was gone. Regrets. Remorse, Resentment—results of a Family being the Casualty of Caregiving.

A Friendship may also be a Casualty of Caregiving. Fair-weather friends will definitely be left by the wayside. Fair-weather Friends are those people who you can always count on during the good times but not so much during the tough times. These people say things like, “Well call me when you’re back to your happy-peppy self.” Fair-weather Friends cannot withstand the Storms of Caregiving.

Those friends come and go like the weather changes but sometimes a long-term friendship may be a Casualty of Caregiving. This is typically a high-maintenance friend who you may not have noticed previously—but who requires a great deal of attention. This person will be reminiscent of the Friend from high school who doesn’t really want you to have any other friends. This “friend” will come to resent the time and energy that you are putting into Caregiving and may even say things like, “How come you haven’t called me?” "WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE CAREGIVER"

First of all, a Caregiver’s Conscience carries enough resentment without having to deal with anyone being resentful of the Caregiving Circumstance. And with Caregiving being a 24/7 job that discourages making and receiving phone calls while at work, when exactly would you have the time to call? While Caregiving, there is very little time left to cater to high-maintenance friends; and any casual acquaintances are just a “ty” away from becoming a Casualty of Caregiving.

Your true-blue friends will be there for you because your real Friends will Stand by You–even on the front lines of Caregiving.

Another Casualty of Caregiving worth mentioning is Your Best Dance Moves. Caregiving does not usually allow time to practice dancing in front of the mirror while listening to your favorite song.

But sometimes a Caregiver just needs to dance it out—like no one is watching!

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CAREGIVING CASUALTIES