Well said Thinking of the word temper in connection with caregiving helps me to think of how I can balance my swinging moods. Temper them to a degree of evenness so there aren’t so many extreme levels of stress, sadness, and anxiety.
To be present to the joys in the midst of the rising temper so that I know I have done the best I can for my mom.
I resonate with so much of what you said and sending you a gentle simmer of ease.
And I accept the "gentle simmer of ease" in the spirit with which it was expressed. I am sure that you are doing the absolute best that you can for your Mom. It's what Caregiver's do!
Neatly articulated! Empathetically received...in the darkest days, I was beyond tantrums—I wanted to have a dark vacuum space that could swallow up my frustrated screams, or a big outdoor place I could go and smash things with all the pent-up guilt/remorse/frustration and broken-heartedness.... These calmer days are easier but I know some reflex emotions are desensitised, numbed...a bit like pins and needles where you sit so long in one position that you don't feel the loss of 'can't do's ' so much. I may feel the loss more later, but I don't need to temper things like I did before when I cared for Dad. Today, things are blessedly easier, I've no idea about later or even a few days from now. Also, I think I conserve my energy to avoid the grief of could/what ifs/ future/wishes - we have enough to manage in the reality of today. All to say, I resonate with everything you shared. xo
I am often steeped in shame by my temper. This man who gave me life and loved me and told me to make choices in life that would make me happy infuriates me all the time now simply bc he’s aging and can’t do the things he used to do. To not get mad, I’ll actively pretend he’s not my dad, and that we are in a home and this is someone else’s dad. It helps, I’m nicer, and I am so ashamed of it, but I’m more ashamed when I don’t do this and I lose my temper.
I feel you! When I don't think of my Mom as my Mom--the woman who gave me life and is largely responsible for me being the person I am today--I don't lose my Temper quite as much. But it's hard. Caregiving for one's parent is extremely difficult.
Well said Thinking of the word temper in connection with caregiving helps me to think of how I can balance my swinging moods. Temper them to a degree of evenness so there aren’t so many extreme levels of stress, sadness, and anxiety.
To be present to the joys in the midst of the rising temper so that I know I have done the best I can for my mom.
I resonate with so much of what you said and sending you a gentle simmer of ease.
And I accept the "gentle simmer of ease" in the spirit with which it was expressed. I am sure that you are doing the absolute best that you can for your Mom. It's what Caregiver's do!
Neatly articulated! Empathetically received...in the darkest days, I was beyond tantrums—I wanted to have a dark vacuum space that could swallow up my frustrated screams, or a big outdoor place I could go and smash things with all the pent-up guilt/remorse/frustration and broken-heartedness.... These calmer days are easier but I know some reflex emotions are desensitised, numbed...a bit like pins and needles where you sit so long in one position that you don't feel the loss of 'can't do's ' so much. I may feel the loss more later, but I don't need to temper things like I did before when I cared for Dad. Today, things are blessedly easier, I've no idea about later or even a few days from now. Also, I think I conserve my energy to avoid the grief of could/what ifs/ future/wishes - we have enough to manage in the reality of today. All to say, I resonate with everything you shared. xo
I am often steeped in shame by my temper. This man who gave me life and loved me and told me to make choices in life that would make me happy infuriates me all the time now simply bc he’s aging and can’t do the things he used to do. To not get mad, I’ll actively pretend he’s not my dad, and that we are in a home and this is someone else’s dad. It helps, I’m nicer, and I am so ashamed of it, but I’m more ashamed when I don’t do this and I lose my temper.
I feel you! When I don't think of my Mom as my Mom--the woman who gave me life and is largely responsible for me being the person I am today--I don't lose my Temper quite as much. But it's hard. Caregiving for one's parent is extremely difficult.
Thank you for putting words to and validating my feelings. I care for dad with dementia and stepmom post stroke.
I wish U Strength, Courage, Peace and a music playlist 2 help soothe your soul.
I also think a caregiver needs to know that the anger is normal, but yes needs tempered. Good piece. I liked how you used the two “sides” of temper.
Articulated so well. Omg. Feel you. See you. Hear you. ❤️🩹